Gigs

Hello,

Here is a list of gigs that are currently in my diary. I don't have my diary with me so have done it from the one on my phone, so some may be missing.

4th January - Gagging for it comedy, Liverpool 

5th January - Gagging For It Comedy, Oldham - MC

11th January - Frog and Bucket, Preston

12th January - Comedy Store, London

13th January - Laughing Horse, London

15th January - Chester Student Union, Chester

20th January - Funny Bones Comedy Club, Durham - MC

23rd January - Frog and Bucket, Manchester

26th January - Just the Tonic, Nottingham (Big Value try out)

7th February - The Dunning Kruger Effect, Frog and Bucket, Manchester

9th February - Haha Comedy Club, Wigan - MC (Resident)

10th February - Leicester

13th February - Frog and Bucket, Manchester

17th February - Hilarity Bites, Bishop Auckland

19th February - Squirrels Comedy Club, Manchester University - MC

21st February - Rawhide, Liverpool

23rd February - The Laugh Inn, Chester

26th February - The Comedy Store, Manchester - New Stuff

4th March - Funhouse Comedy Club, Sheffield

8th March - Haha Comedy Club, Wigan - MC (Resident)

18th March - Frog and Bucket, Manchester - Work In Progress

22nd March - The Laugh Inn, Chester

24th March - ARC, Stockton

12th April - Haha Comedy Club, Wigan - MC (Resident)

13th April - Royal Exchange Theatre, Manchester

19th April - Embassy Theatre, Skegness

2nd May - The Comedy Store, Manchester

3rd May - A Laugh In Stockport, Stockport

4th May - The Laugh Inn, Chester

10th May - Haha Comedy Club, Wigan - MC (Resident)

13th May - Preston Young Guns, Frog and Bucket, Preson

16th May - Chortle Student Competition Semi Final, Frog and Bucket, Manchester

17th May - The Stand, Newcastle

18th May - The Stand, Newcastle

19th May - The Stand, Newcastle

21st May - Beat the Frog, Frog and Bucket, Manchester (MC)

26th May - Ten Feet Tall Comedy, Hartlepool

28th May - Nottingham

30th May - Beat The Frog, Frog and Bucket, Preston (MC)

31st May - Warrington

2nd June - Big Night Out, Leeds

7th June - Frog and Bucket, Manchester

8th June - Stalybridge F.C., Stalybridge

12th June - XS Malarkey, Manchester

14th June - Haha Comedy Club, Wigan - MC (Resident)

17th June - Work In Progress, Frog and Bucket, Manchester

19th June - Trap Door Comedy, York

24th June - The Comedy Store, Manchester - (New Stuff)

28th June - Haha Comedy Club, Fontwell Park, Arundel

29th June - Haha Comedy Club, Ffos Las

30th June - Big Night Out, Leeds

1st July - Liverpool

5th July - Frog and Bucket, Manchester

6th July - Bolton

12th July - Haha Comedy Club, Wigan - MC (Resident)

14th July - Tintwistle Cricket Club

26th July - Baby Blue, Liverpool

27th July - Haha Comedy Club, Peterborough

28th July - KidwellyEFestival, South Wales (MC)

29th July - KidwellyEFestival, South Wales (MC)

3rd August - King Georges Hall, Blackburn

9th August - Haha Comedy Club, Wigan - MC (Resident)

15th August - Totnes, Devon

16th August - Frog and Bucket, Manchester

31st August - The Comedy Store, Manchester

13th September - Haha Comedy Club, Wigan - MC (Resident)

27th September - Frog and Bucket, Preston

30th September - Off The Rails, Saddleworth

4th October - Frog and Bucket, Manchester

5th October - Frog and Bucket, Manchester

6th October - Frog and Bucket, Manchester

11th October - Haha Comedy Club, Wigan - MC (Resident)

13th October - Mercure Hotel, Manchester

16th October - Haha Comedy Club, Burnley - MC 

19th October - Haha Comedy Club, Burscough

8th November - Haha Comedy Club, Wigan - MC (Resident)

4th December - Haha Comedy Club, Wigan - MC (Resident)

5th December - Haha Comedy Club, Wigan - MC (Resident)

6th December - Haha Comedy Club, Wigan - MC (Resident)

15th December - Stoke-on-Trent

Mash Oppression.

A fair whack's changed since I wrote on here last.

First up, I finished university. Not only that, but I wasn't a total failure. I would whole heartedly like to dedicate my 2:1 in Politics to the YouTube channels of various American high school students who really seemed to know their stuff. Well done America.

After that, I moved to Manchester. It's all been fairly lovely so far. This is somewhat regardless of the fact that I'm living with two Spanish guys who speak absolutely no English. All I've actually found out about Carlos and Juan so far is that they are both chefs and one of them does really smelly shits.

It was actually remarkably nostalgic the first time I went to use the toilet after he'd caused a smell that made me wonder whether I should call for a plumber or a priest. I used to live with two Spanish guys in The Hague, and strangely enough one of them smelt exactly the same. Ah, the good times, eh?

They seem nice enough though, although for all I know they could be warlords on the run. They do have some strange habits however.

The main one of these is that they spend most of their day watching films, on silent, but with English subtitles. I have spent much time debating why anyone would do this, and all I can come up with is that although they admire his good looks and physical acting ability, they just can't stand Orlando Blooms voice. Which is fair enough, I guess.

The final really strange thing they do is talk loudly in Spanish, then occasionally start whispering when I walk in the room. Now, I speak about two words of Spanish, and unless they were slagging off the way I say 'Hello', I wouldn't know what they were saying. Nor would I ever have had any reason to think they were talking about me. Maybe they are warlords and are scared the house is bugged.

Yeah, that'll be it. Nothing to do with the fact I'm usually just serving up a massive plate of Cheesy Mash as they're tucking into their Tapas.

Peaks and Troughs

I did a gig at the Comedy Store in Manchester recently, which is always a pleasure.

You can see a small bit of it here...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ru45f6qJeE

Other than that, I'm back in the library 'revising'. This has done little but lead me to the conclusion that you can't revise something you don't already know.

Blind Dates...

I rang Radio 1 once. I was quite hungover and it was to enter a competition to go on a blind date at their One Big Weekend in Preston. The girl didn't pick me, for reasons this recording probably explains.

Radio 1 rang her back later that day to see how it had gone. Apparently the guy she chose told her he was going to the cash machine and never came back.

Also, I never said the bit about liking women to be good in the kitchen.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_tbK4_WvJ4

3 Things... I've done instead of what I was meant to.

I'm currently in my last couple of months of university. Needless to say then, there's plenty of work to be in. I spend a lot of time throughout the year eating crisps and pizza in bed and generally being unproductive, and as soon as I have a deadline or something to do I always find more interesting things to do.

Cleaning

As a tactic of doing literally anything but work, I've cleaned a lot. I've cleaned in the morning when I wake up. I've cleaned when I go home for lunch. I clean a lot before I go to bed. Eh, lads?

Facts

I got to the point this week where I was trying to put off doing work so much that I decided to work out how many weeks there were in my life instead. I worked out that 80 years is only 4000 weeks. 80 years sounds like a lot longer than 4000 weeks. (I told you I was bored.)

Games

While the mind wanders, so does the imagination. I've come up with some games to
relieve the boredom.

This one involves Facebook and boring status updates and goes as follows...

• They update a boring status,
• You comment under their status,
• They comment,
• You comment,
• They comment,
• You comment,
• They comment.

You then delete all your comments and they look mental.

The finished result should look something like this...

Now... Back to cleaning.

3 Things… I love about Bold Street

1. Broken Clothes.

There’s a shop called Take2 that sells clothes that are a bit broken for really cheap. It’s about as close as Liverpool comes to having a charity shop. The only problem is I always buy things with intentions of fixing them before wearing them but never do.

I once went to a party in a shirt I bought from there that had two buttons missing from the chest area. All I needed was a medallion and I could have justified a disco.

2. An Entertaining Haircut.

You remember all them times you’ve looked at me and thought, “Wow, I wonder who cuts his hair?” Yeah, you know. That time. No? Not once?

Well, anyway. I get my haircut on Bold Street.

Just at the top there is a small arcade that mainly contains shops that sell hats. Having a thriving hat shop right next to a barbers is about as good an advert as seeing the barber with a white stick, but I still go there.

There is a reason for this other than a haircut though. The guy that works there has the most hilariously twisted logic of anyone I’ve ever met. He throws away the usual clichés of boring hairdresser conversations and replaces them with conversation that leaves you holding back laughs in fear of him cutting off your ear.

I could have done a “5 Reasons… I still go to a bad hairdresser”, but for now we’ll just limit it to a couple of the best.

One of the first times I noticed he was slightly mental was when I sat down and saw one of those signs you find in workplaces ‘You don’t have to be mad to work here, but it helps!’ This is fine if you work in an office with a few people you think are wankers, but for professional purposes call them ‘characters’. My problem here though is that this guy works on his own. This takes away all possible humorous undertones that were intended, and just makes me think he bought it himself, probably putting it up and saying to himself ‘What am I like, eh?’

My favourite incident to date however was when my flatmate went to see him after Christmas. We’d both been for a haircut before the festive break and he had gone to great lengths to tell us that this was the year. It was the big one. Time for a life change; he was going to give up smoking for his new years resolution. When my flatmate went down for his first cut of 2011, he brought this up. The barber explained it was going well and had a novel way of keeping off the fags. He kept a packet on the desk in front of him to remind him what he used to be tempted by! That’s like holding AA meetings in a pub. Brilliant.

Needless to say I went a few days later to find him smoking outside the arcade. All was right with the world again.

And so, if you ever see me and think my haircut isn’t quite up to scratch, I get it done for the entertainment.

3. Money

Although I mainly go there in the day, Bold Street also has the nearest cash machine to concert square. This has the double effect of not only meaning it is nearly always surrounded by drunken students, but that tramps and buskers also congregate there, giving it it’s own little eco system of young males begging for females attention, tramps begging for the young males attention (and money), and the buskers craving everyone’s attention (and money). All serenaded beautifully by a verse of Wonderwall… And whatever the busker is playing at the time.

Up and out

I made a New Years Resolution this year. It's something I usually think is pointless as they always get broken. In previous years I tried to trick fate by making a resolution that I wouldn't become a millionaire that year, waiting for it to be broken.

This year I chose something achievable; To get out of bed everyday. I know this sounds ridiculous, but seriously. I've often revolved around only getting out of bed if I needed to. And often that would only be to put another pizza in.

It had more to do with the fact that I'm trying to be more productive. I've been helping a friend out with his uni Sports Science project which involved boxing 3 times a week. That was more times a week than I got out of bed last year.

It was something that I needed to do for exercise more than anything. In a totally stereotyping move, I'd left my bike in Liverpool town center one day, only to come back and find my bike wheels had been stolen. It was such a cliche I was half expecting to bump into one of the Beatles on the way home. At least then there'd be someone to help me carry my bike frame.

Needless to say then, exercise hadn't been top of my to-do list. Nevertheless, I've been enjoying it so far even though my heart rate often exceeds numbers.

I like to do lists. Something that's been on one of my many lists was to go and see Anthony Gormley's 'Another Place' down at Crosby beach.

I went today and this was the result. I don't really do the whole video thing, but took this on my iPhone.

Over and out.